“One of the most important discoveries of my generation is that by changing ones attitude one can change one's life,” said one of the most notable philosophers and psychologists of the twentieth century.
This is indeed true. The human brain is immensely powerful and has the power to transform any logical desire into reality. But decades of research in fields like psychoneuroimmunology shows that just as the hardware in a computer is run by software, so is our brain run by our mind. And our mind is driven by our attitude.
Scientists say attitude or mindset can be of two types.
Proactive
Reactive
In order to change our lives in a positive direction, we need to change our attitude from reactive to proactive.
Proactive people have three major characteristics:
1. Characteristic 1: They are in control of themselves:
Consider the following story.
The Father, the Son and the Donkey
A father and a son were going to the local market to sell their donkey. The father, the son and the donkey were all walking. A man passed by them and said, “These two men are so foolish. They are both walking, even though one of them could easily ride the donkey.”
At this, the father put his son on the back of the donkey. They continued for a while like this, the son on the donkey and the father on foot. After a while, they passed another man. He said, “What a disrespectful son! He is sitting comfortably on the donkey while his poor old father is going on foot.”
After hearing this the father and the son changed places. The father rode the donkey and the son went on foot. A little later, someone else said, “What a cruel father! He is making his young child walk while he himself sits comfortably on the donkey.”
So the father and son both got on top of the donkey. The donkey started to walk. This time they came across an animal rights activist. The animal rights activist saw them and began to complain: “How unfair! How Cruel! Two men on top of one donkey!”
So the father and son found themselves in great trouble. They couldn’t both walk. The son couldn’t ride the donkey alone. The father couldn’t ride the donkey alone. They couldn’t both ride the donkey! So what could they do? They came up with a new idea. They got a bamboo stick and some string. With the string they tied the donkey’s legs together. Then they put the stick between its legs. The father stood on the front carrying the front of the stick. The son stood on the back carrying the back of the stick.
The father and son started walking with the donkey hanging upside down in the middle. As they were crossing a narrow bridge the donkey got scared and started to bray and move violently. The father and the son fell down on the canal. The donkey broke its backbone. The father and the son broke their legs. The donkey couldn’t be sold. The father and the son came home injured.
The attitude of the father and the son in the story is reactive.
People with reactive attitude are not in control of their own lives. They are always controlled by other people. When we are hurt by other people’s comments, burst out with anger in reaction, become resentful and plan revenge, get carried away by other people’s praise, melt at the yes man’s brown nosing, or eagerly try to please others, we lose control over our own lives.
Like the case of the father and the son in the story reactive attitude always brings frustration, failure and anguish. In fact sports psychologists take advantage of this reactive attitude and train sportsmen to deliberately provoke the opponent. If the opponent loses their calm, they make mistakes and the first sportsman wins.
On the other hand proactive people take decisions and actions calmly, without getting excited or emotional. Proactivity means not taking actions as a reaction to someone or something. It means always keeping your own values,goals and objectives in view and deciding on a plan of action based on them.
When the Wright brothers were researching on the air plane, most scientists believed that it is not possible for something heavier than air to fly. They thought the Wright brothers had lost their mind. But the brothers persisted, and the face of civilization changed for ever.
The less you are influenced by others, the more you can influence others. Many of us have heard this incident from the life of the prophet Mohammad (pbuh), the prophet of Islam.
The Old Women Who Laid Thorns on the Prophet's Path
An old woman used to put thorns on the prophets path every day. The prophet never said anything, He just removed the thorns and went on his way. One day, the prophet noticed that there were no thorns on the way. He thought that the old woman might have forgotten. But when the same thing happened the next day, the prophet became concerned. He inquired after the woman and found out she was sick. He went to see her, and nursed her.
The old woman thought, why is that the people on whose behalf I have laid those thorns are not taking care of me, while the man on whose path I laid the thorns is? This is the good man, she thought, and accepted the prophets religion.
The prophet could influence the woman because he himself was not influenced by the woman's behaviour. He felt the same compassion for her as he would feel for any other person.
Through out history, those who reached the pinnacle of humanity attained this quality of being pro-active in the truest sense, and that is how they won the hearts of millions. The less you are influenced by other people and external conditions, the more true joy and success will come to your life.
Characteristic 2: They Always Focus on the Bright Side
There was once an old Japanese lady who cried all the time. Her elder daughter was married to an umbrella merchant while the younger daughter was the wife of a noodle vendor. On sunny days, she worried, "Oh no! The weather is so nice and sunny. No one is going to buy any umbrellas. What will happen if the shop has to be closed?" These worries made her sad. She just could not help but cry.
When it rained, she would cry for the younger daughter. She thought, "Oh no! My younger daughter is married to a noodle vendor. You cannot dry noodles without the sun. Now there will be no noodles to sell. What should we do?"
As a result, the old lady lived in sorrow everyday. Whether sunny or rainy, she grieved for one of her daughters. Her neighbors could not console her and jokingly called her "the crying lady."
One day, she met a monk. He was very curious as to why she was always crying. She explained the problem to him. The monk smiled kindly and said, "Madam! You need not worry. I will show you a way to happiness, and you will need to grieve no more."
The crying lady was very excited. She immediately asked the monk to show her what to do. The master replied, "It is very simple. You just need to change your perspective. On sunny days, do not think of your elder daughter not being able to sell umbrellas but the younger daughter being able to dry her noodles. With such good strong sunlight, she must be able to make plenty of noodles and her business must be very good. When it rains, think about the umbrella store of the elder daughter. With the rain, everyone must be buying umbrellas. She will sell a lot of umbrellas and her store will prosper."
The old lady saw the light. She followed the monk's instruction. After a while, she did not cry any more and instead came to be known as "the smiling lady."
Proactive people is that they focus on what they have instead of what they don't have. For them, the glass is always half full instead of half empty. This ability to focus on the positive not only brings more peace and happiness, but also helps us become more successful as well.
If we look at human history, we will find that background, intelligence, poverty, race, gender, or physical disability, nothing can stop a person who is determined.
Andrew Carnegie, the wealthiest American of his time, grew up in the slums.
Albert Einstein was believed to be dyslexic, and no school would accept him until he was nine.
Barack Obama is black.
Being a woman did not stop Margaret Thatcher or Indira Gandhi from holding the post of the highest executive of the country.
Physical disability did not stop Stephen Hawking, Helen Keller or Homer from succeeding.
But in order to overcome obstacles, one needs to focus on the positive. If you look deeply into the personalities of these people, you will find that all of them had this quality. Appreciating what they have gave them inner peace and enabled them to start with what they have instead of complaining about what they didn't have. The habit of noticing the positive instead of the negative enabled them to see the opportunities hidden in the problems.
Characteristic 3: They Do not Get Discouraged by Temporary Failures
There was a man who failed in business in the age of 21, was defeated in legislative race at age 22, failed again in business at age 24, had his sweetheart die when he was age 26, had a nervous breakdown at age 27, lost a congressional race at age 34, lost a senatorial race at age 45, failed in an effort to become vice president at age 37, lost a senatorial race at age 49, and was finally was elected president of United States at age 52.
The man was Abraham Lincoln.
Lincoln could have thought, 'politics is not for me', but he didn't. And he became the best president the United States has ever had.
It is not that successful people don't face obstacles. On the contrary, most of them encounter more obstacles than most people. But they do not give up in the face of obstacles. They overcome them.
No defeat is defeat unless you are defeated mentally. Proactive people realize that, and keep on working towards their goals despite of temporary set backs. And eventually, they achieve their goals.
So start from where you are, do not get unduly influenced by people and do not give up if you have temporary set backs. You too can make your dreams a reality.
